


Radio

by Smith



Series: The Breath After the Last [4]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst, Custom Commander Shepard, M/M, Post-Reaper War, Vancouver
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-12
Updated: 2015-10-14
Packaged: 2018-04-25 23:05:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4980121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smith/pseuds/Smith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Commander Shepard doesn't break, but an accident in Vancouver might just change that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote most of this during one long night last week before crashing at 6am. Many thanks to mareel for being there to witness me. Second chapter will be up tomorrow, and the third on Wednesday.
> 
> Probably takes place not long after [All We Have Made](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4627437). Look how vague I can be.
> 
> Happy Birthday, mareel. You are the best writing friend anyone could ever ask for, and you deserve a good day and some good fic. Alas, all you've got is me, so I hope this suffices.

_"A building has collapsed in downtown Vancouver while ongoing reconstruction efforts were underway. At least ten people have been confirmed dead in the accident at the Harbour Centre, and many seriously injured."_

Shepard lifts his head from the pillow and blinks sleepily at the radio as the background drone breaks into an emergency news bulletin, and the name of the building snags on a barb in his memory. His eyes drift to the window as he begins to push himself up and swings his legs off the edge of the bed.

Slowly, it comes to him: Kaidan is volunteering with the reconstruction effort downtown today.

Pursing his lips, Shepard hesitates a second, before pulling up his omnitool and calling Kaidan. He tells himself he isn't worried, that it's always wise to check in, but his heart begins to race against the back of his throat and he's forced to draw a deeper breath against a knot that tightens across his ribcage.

There's no response.

He waits. The call goes on. No answer.

A small frown wrinkles his brow, and then he's on his feet. Without thought he grabs his cane and stands, limping down the hallway. He shoves his bare feet into the running shoes he hasn't been able to run in yet, shrugs his hooded sweatshirt on over his naked chest, and marches out into the stairway.

Shepard doesn't think as he begins down the stairs, the occasional twitch or grunt of pain tugging at his face.

At the lobby, two floors down, Shepard shoves a shoulder into the outside doors and then stops as he hits pavement. He stares at the ground for a second, and then lifts his arm, calling Kaidan again.

Shepard closes the door, makes his way back towards the stairs. The building has an elevator, but he never uses it.

It rings.

He reaches the first pause between flights, breathing hard, so hard his lungs burn as he gasps, and his omnitool is still ringing.

Shepard falls against the wall as the full weight of panic strikes him like a blow. The cane slips out of his grasp and clatters down the stairs, and he's left clutching the plaster. The stairs stretch out before him until the floor below is a hundred foot drop.

But Kaidan is down there somewhere.

Flashes of Kaidan's still, bruised face on Mars assault him. He flinches, his hands curl into fists, his breath comes in ragged snatches, the walls close in, nudging at his back as he sways.

He moves back to the stairs and grabs the railing, but his foot slips. His ankle gives out and he crumples, sliding down the steps on his bad hip until he grabs hold of the railings, each breath a hiss through his teeth as he squeezes his eyes closed, allowing the memories of Kaidan's broken body to press against the insides of his temples.

Hands shaking now, he calls again on the omnitool, biting his lip through the pain until he tastes blood. There's still no response.

Somehow, he finds his feet. Somehow, he makes it to the bottom of the stairs. Somehow, he picks up his cane.

The door opens, a neighbour comes through with a brief smile, and she holds it open for him. He hurries as fast as he's able out into the drizzle, and then stops, the pain clenching so tight it becomes a physical barrier between him and the world. He clings to his cane to stay upright, nerves on fire from his shoulders to his toes.

But he takes a breath, he visualises a point ahead of him, just a few feet. His body might refuse to move, but his mind is alive, and he has things to do.

A blue glow precedes the crack as the world comes loose for a fraction of a moment, and he slams forward twenty feet, narrowly missing a bus shelter. He stops here, and slumps against the glass, sweat beginning to drip into his eyes as he squints down the road. Distantly, he hears sirens.

"Kaidan..."

Swallowing, he wipes his brow with his sleeve, straightens, and marches on, each breath stuttering as pain comes in spasms.

The fifteen-minute walk stretches on into half an hour as he struggles down the streets in his pyjama pants and hoodie. The unworn running shoes get on his nerves after a while, so he takes them off and walks on the cool stone that comes as a relief to his overheated skin.

When he catches his first glimpse of the accident, it's a cluster of emergency vehicles blocking the end of the street. A musky, drifting mist of concrete dust still lingers in the air, catching at the back of his throat as he limps onward, forced to tread more carefully as shards of glass and metal dig into his bare feet.

"Sir," a young woman stops him as he breaches the chaos, "It's not safe here, if you could stand back."

Shepard pries his gaze away from his frantic search of the wreckage and scowls into her face. "Get out of my way."

It takes her a moment, and a blink, and then she straightens. "Oh, Commander Shepard!" Then her gaze travels down over his dishevelled ensemble, and frowns. "Are you... alright?"

Shepard shakes his head, and clears his throat as the dust and smoke tickle the base of his tongue. "Major Kaidan Alenko. He was helping with the reconstruction. Have you seen him?"

"No, sir, but everything is chaos." She gestures vaguely over the rubble. "Major Liu may be able to help you, she's in charge of the rescue effort. If he's checked in with anyone, it will be her."

"Thank you," Shepard mutters as he begins to move forward again, before pain roots him to the spot. "Where can I find her?"

"Base of operations is on the north side of the building closest to the river."

With a nod, Shepard limps onward, his leg dragging more with each step, as his eyes constantly scan the mix of alliance officers, relief workers and victims ambling around the collapsed building, but he doesn't find the dark hair and fatigues he seeks. His heart pulses harder against his Adam's apple, and each breath is a rasping heave.

One hand tight on his cane, the other hesitantly bounces along what remains of a nearby wall, desperate for its support but too proud to take it, as his steps slow until he simply can't take another.

Clenching his jaw, he feels a blue glow grasp his fingertips, but he bites it down and slams his fist into his thigh. "You're no use to anyone like this," he tells himself, "You're no use to anyone."


	2. Chapter 2

Major Liu is briefing two humans and an asari when Shepard finally reaches her. 

"Major Alenko," he says, "Where is he?"

"Commander Shepard," she greets uncertainly, sparing a much less thorough glance at his attire. "I'm afraid Major Alenko was clearing a section of the lobby when the building collapsed. We believe he might be trapped with several other volunteers."

Shepard's lips twitch as he hears the news, and his racing heart grows cold. "Where? Why aren't you doing anything, Major?"

"We are. We have three adepts trying to open a pathway to them." Liu nods to a nearby volunteer. "Take Commander Shepard to Lieutenant T'Nila."

"Yes, ma'am."

Shepard follows the young man without a word. Ahead, they hear a creak, and another landslide of rubble stirs a cloud of dust. Shepard's whole body shakes with coughs.

"Lieutenant T'Nila," the young man calls as the air clears and he spots her.

Shepard hobbles faster, meeting the asari's eyes as he stops in front of her, holding onto the cane with both hands. "Where is Major Alenko?"

T'Nila's brow furrows, and her lips press together. "Major Alenko bravely held up the ceiling with his barriers until we could rescue seven survivors trapped in this section of the building."

Shepard's mouth goes dry as hairs rise on the back of his neck. "And? Where is he?"

T'Nila shakes her head. "He decided to head in deeper because he heard somebody trapped. I haven't heard from him since."

Shepard's eyes stray to the rubble that's just collapsed, and a murky fog descends in his brain. His hand reaches blindly out for something to grab as the pain below his waist turns into numbness, but he finds nothing.

"I'm sorry, sir."

The young volunteer rushes to help steady him, and Shepard's eyes darken as he clings to the man's jacket.

Finally, he looks up, and glares defiantly into the lieutenant's eyes. "Which way did he go?"

T'Nila gestures straight ahead into the pile of twisted steel and broken concrete. "Back, much further back, into the heart of the building."

Shepard takes a deep breath and pushes the man away so that he can stand alone. It takes him a moment to find his balance, and then he extends a glowing blue hand and pulls at the nearest hunk of fallen ceiling. "Well, then help me clear this."

"It's going to take us days to clear the rubble, Commander," T'Nila says slowly, softly, "Maybe he got out another way."

"Then find him!" Shepard snaps. "Go and do something useful!"

T'Nila manages a sad smile, and turns to her team, gesturing for them to leave. Dismissing the young volunteer, too, she stands at Shepard's side, and helps him move blocks of debris.

Sweat runs down Shepard's temples, and trickles down the groove of his spine, as the rest of the world fades around him. All he sees is grey, breaking it apart piece by piece, but there is only more grey underneath.

With a shout of frustration, he yanks loose a massive chunk, and it cracks the ground beneath it as it lands at his feet. His shaking hands find its craggy surface, and he sinks to his knees. "Kaidan... I can't... I can't save you."

Shepard slumps against the rock, and feels the bitter burn of tears that rise so many times but never fall, yet this time his vision grows blurred, and dark spots splash the concrete between splayed, white-knuckled fingers. He tries to push himself to his feet, but he can't. His strength is gone. Everything is gone. He is nothing.

"Shepard!" A voice cracks through the dim roar that surrounds him, but he can't lift his head.

"What the hell are you doing here?" The tide of noise recedes and leaves behind the voice, closer and quieter, as gentle hands touch his back. "Shepard...?"

There's a pause, then a sharp intake of breath. Shepard can hear the wince in the next question. "What happened to your feet?"

An arm slides around his shoulders, as the man kneels beside him, and the other hand touches his cheek and tangles in his hair, pulling him into the security of a familiar embrace. The man smells of dust and smoke, the subtle static tang of mass effect fields that sings on his tongue like licking a battery, and lavender shampoo. He recalls massaging the suds into a dark head of hair on a lazy Sunday, rinsing it carefully out with warm water, chasing away the lingering tensions of a migraine.

"Kaidan..."

"Yeah," Kaidan answers, and there are notes of a smile and a frown in that single syllable.

Shepard's fingers curl into the back of Kaidan's shirt. "Am I dead?"

"No, but you look like hell."

"I feel like hell."

Shepard shivers as Kaidan's fingers brush across the short hairs at the nape of his neck. "Tell me," Kaidan whispers into his ear, "What are you doing here?"

"The radio..." Shepard gulps a sharp breath of air. "I heard... the building... I called, but you didn't answer, so I called again."

"Fuck," Kaidan mutters. "The omnitool emitter must be damaged. I meant to call..."

"Kaidan, I-" A gasp steals his words, and Shepard shakes his head, finally lifting it to meet Kaidan's brown eyes. He stares at him for a long silence, the face he'd thought he'd never see again, and then kisses him hard and desperate. The tears continue their tracks down his cheeks, but he angrily scrubs them away with his sleeve when they part.

Shepard forces a smile. "Let's go home."

Kaidan nods. "But first you're getting those feet looked at."

"It's just a few scratches," Shepard mumbles.

"I think you'll find it's rather more than that. The left one's bleeding pretty badly."

"I'm sure other people need it more."

"You need it. That's all that matters." Kaidan pulls away and checks him over. "Come on."

Shepard nods and fumbles for his cane, slowly pushing himself to his feet with one arm on the rubble and the other in Kaidan's grasp, but his head swims as he straightens and every nerve in his body screams. He stumbles, but Kaidan catches him, and lowers him gently back to the ground.

"Shepard?" He asks worriedly.

" _I'm fine_ ," he tries to say, but everything is disappearing; his mouth won't move, and his eyes won't open.

He hears Kaidan yelling: "I need medical attention over here!" And then everything dims to a low drone as stars go supernova behind his eyes, keeping him company in the darkness.


	3. Chapter 3

The darkness appears to lift like a veil after time indeterminable, and he finds he's lying on a gurney in the back of an ambulance.

"Commander Shepard?" A salarian voice asks, and his eyes roll open to meet the paramedic's. "Are you in any pain?"

Shepard blinks slowly, and lets his mind filter the information around him until he realises he rather suspects he's floating above his body. "No, I don't think so."

"Good, good." The salarian turns to the readings on the small screen beside him. "You pushed yourself rather too far today."

Shepard grimaces, and tries to find his elbows so he can sit up, but unfortunately everything below his neck seems to be malfunctioning, and even his neck only lets him turn his head from side to side. "Where's Kaidan?"

"I'm right here, Shepard," the voice comes from the foot of the bed, and if he tries really hard, he thinks he can feel a hand on his shin. "They've got you on the good stuff, but you might be a little out of it for a while."

"I had to find you. I couldn't just leave you. You would never leave me... now I know how it must've felt, after the beam..."

"It's okay." The hand squeezes. "We don't need to talk about that now. There's a sky car waiting to take us home, where we can both rest."

"Sounds good."

"Come on then." Kaidan squeezes past the salarian paramedic and slides an arm underneath Shepard's shoulders, pulling him up. "You're supposed to be on strict bedrest, but I know you don't want to go to hospital or wait for a wheelchair, so we're gonna do this like ripping off a bandage."

"I can handle it, Kaidan." Shepard blinks down at the floor as his feet drop off the gurney and hit the metal. "I left my shoes under the horse."

"Pardon?" Kaidan asks with a bemused smile, holding most of his weight as he stands.

Shepard only frowns. "My feet are going to kill me when this wears off."

"Yes, they probably are." Arms firm around him, Kaidan helps Shepard stagger out of the ambulance, and into the waiting sky cab.

Glancing around, Shepard realises they're by the river somewhere near the Harbour Centre, and people are still being pried from the rubble all around them. He stares at the destruction until the door closes, and Kaidan's slumps into the seat beside him, hands touching, but not entwined.

He loses the next few minutes, and then Kaidan carefully hauls him out of the sky cab and helps him hobble into their building. He's finally forced to use the elevator.

"Here we go," Kaidan murmurs as they finally reach the bedside. He lowers Shepard onto the mattress, and then manoeuvres pillows behind him as he gently lays him down.

Once Shepard's legs are tucked under the blankets, he rubs the back of his knuckles across his cheekbone. "You okay?"

Shepard nods and opens his eyes, reaching up to settle a hand over Kaidan's as he leans into the touch. "Better now. In fact, I'm only really okay when you're near."

Kaidan's lips curve into a smile as he leans down and kisses him. "Then I will always be near," he says softly.

"I thought I had lost you," Shepard croaks. "After all we've done, I thought I'd lost you to a fucking-" He gasps and squeezes his eyes closed, shaking his head as tension strains his neck and along his jaw.

"I'm right here." Kaidan's fingers clutch Shepard's more tightly. "I never thought I'd find this, with anyone, let alone a man so remarkable. Your tenacity is one of the many things I love about you, that you pushed yourself so far just to find me... you humble me."

Shepard stares at him, his eyelids heavy. "You would never leave me behind," he answers hoarsely, "I will always come for you, Kaidan." Turning his head, he kisses his palm.

"I don't doubt it." Kaidan smiles.

Shepard's lips twitch, and his gaze doesn't falter. "Never do."

Kaidan lays his free hand over Shepard's heart. "Give me a minute to grab a shower, okay? I'm filthy."

"Yes you are," Shepard says with a smirk, but it falls quickly. "Leave the door open?"

"Alright." Kaidan straightens up with a wince, and stretches upward until his spine cracks. Shepard watches as he strips between steps, scattering clothes across the floor in a trail into the bathroom.

Though exhaustion tugs on his eyelids, he fights to keep them open as he watches Kaidan run his hands over his body through the glass shower doors. He's in there just five minutes, but Shepard doesn't even blink, and his eyes itch by the time he can finally close them, only after Kaidan sinks into his rightful place at his side, damp and sweet-smelling.

Shepard turns his head towards him and sleeps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to every single reader who left kudos or likes, you're all stars. I loved writing this.


End file.
